SHINING A SIMPLE LIGHT ON RECOVERY AND GROWTH!
SHINING A SIMPLE LIGHT ON RECOVERY AND GROWTH!
Most men over 40 think you don't need to worry about divorce recovery until you sign the dissolution papers. I'd like to challenge that premise and say you start the recovery process immediately - thus saving you precious time and unnecessary amounts of emotional trauma.
The pre-divorce stage is the period when problems in the marriage are growing, but the decision to get divorced has not yet been made. This is usually a very difficult emotional time for men over 40. There may be attempts at marriage counseling or trial separations. Coming to terms with the imminent end of a long-term relationship triggers feelings like sadness, failure, fear of the unknown, and sometimes relief. This stage may last anywhere from several months to a couple years.
During the pre-divorce phase, it's important for men to build a support system to help them through, like close friends, family members, or a men's divorce support group. Establishing new social connections, pursuing personal hobbies, staying healthy with diet and exercise, and talking to a therapist can also help men constructively cope. Reflecting on what needs have not been met in the marriage and what could be different in the future is useful soul-searching.
The during divorce phase starts from the moment the choice to dissolve the marriage is made. This stage usually lasts about one to two years until the divorce is finalized. Emotions run high, negotiations seem endless, and expenses pile up. Men experience feelings of anger, resentment, anxiety, sadness, and fear during this difficult period.
Self-care is crucial while going through the stress of divorce proceedings and mediations. Staying active with sports and exercise, eating healthy meals, joining a support group, avoiding drugs/alcohol, pursuing enjoyable hobbies, spending time in nature and managing time alone can help men relieve stress. Beginning therapy, keeping a journal, reading relatable books, taking up meditation and leaning on close friendships for encouragement also aids the during divorce process. Financial caution and consulting a lawyer helps navigate the complex legal and monetary picture.
The post-divorce stage starts after the divorce is legally finalized. This period is about adjusting to new life patterns as a single man, rebuilding confidence and creating a fulfilling lifestyle. Men often alternate between feelings like excitement about the future and grief over the lost relationship during this transition.
The path through the post-divorce stage is unique for each man. Important principles include defining meaningful personal goals, fostering new intimate relationships when ready, continuing close friendships, being intentional about self-improvement like higher education or career growth, focusing on emotional and physical health with fitness goals and therapy, engaging in enjoyable leisure activities, trying new experiences that challenge you, volunteering to help others and rediscovering your passions. If necessary, seek legal advice to address any lingering post-divorce money matters like taxes or property division.
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