Frequently Asked Questions

The pain from starting a divorce can be tremendous.  Many people equate it to a death - a death of a relationship.  The pain you are feeling is totally normal and may take some time to 'subside'.   Accepting your situation first starts the process of accepting the pain and in turn, allowing the pain to begin your 'recovery'.

Starting over after decades of marriage can feel daunting.  Men may wonder how to build a new social life, find purpose, or even date again.  Trust me, I was there too - and with some of the tools offered free in this website, men and start to rebound and begin the healing process.

Men who don't have primary custody may struggle with grief over less time with their children.  I did at first but finally realized that I had to focus on the time with them and do my best to make the best of it.  One key piece I found was making as many NEW memories with them as I could.  Being the best father I could be was my mantra.

Men want advice on being a divorced dad and co-parenting well.  Well first, I found that the 'being your friend' is not the method to go.  Sure, divorce is devasting to kids, but you don't give away the farm just because you have a few termites.  You get an exterminator and fix the problem.  The celebrations and consequences need to be even more so when you are co-parenting.  Remember, as Rachel, my co-host on Divorce Devil Podcast says, the kids did not ask for this divorce, they are the victims here.  Don't let them get victimized them twice.

After being a part of a couple for so long, the isolation of being suddenly single can be very difficult.  Time management comes into play here.  Staying busy for the sake of being busy is not the way to go.  Staying busy with ultimate goals is keeping your eye on the prize - starting to accept your new reality.

After years of compromise in marriage, some men feel lost and unsure of their identity as an individual.  Being on by themselves is new and sometimes scary.  For me, it was a time factor in this department.  It took time for me to actually enjoy your ability to enjoy my alone time and make decisions on my own.  I grew to love it - no one to answer to anymore.

This question deals with one of my more difficult times.  Letting go of my resentment and blame was a challenge.  Once I realized, and it took months, that my anger was such a waste of time and energy that could be flipped and directed to another part of my healing I felt better, more rested and was actually be a better father and friend.  

Grieving the loss of marriage plans for the future, and letting go of dreams ain't easy.  Your long-term dreams have been ripped to shit.  I basically had to start over with my life and work.  It was a pain in the ass but I wouldn't actually change a thing if I could because what the actual end result was priceless.  Stay tuned...

If their spouse solely handled money matters, some men feel unprepared to take on that responsibility on their own.  Here, ask financial professionals, family, and/or friends who are financially savvy to get you attuned to getting your finances in order.

For most men, guilt and regret are common emotions that require active work to overcome.  Forgiveness was my divorce recovery kryptonite.  It prevented me from starting to heal and moving on.   The topic of forgiveness will be mentioned quite a bit in the website.